Bengali’s biggest festival, the Durga puja, is here..once
more. Like so many others living in Kolkata, I used to wait the whole year just
for these few days. The anticipation of it coming was overwhelming. We used to
have our own Puja inside the residential complex we used to live in. From the
day when the decorators started building up the frame for pandal till it was
packed up and taken away after puja, that pandal used to be our hangout area,
even our home during the 5days of puja. If our parents planned any vacation
during or even at the end of puja, I can’t describe how heartbroken I used to
feel. Everyday was precious till the 'ekadoshi', the day after immersion of
idol.
I was a child back then, hanging on to every bit of each day
till the last. What I did not realize is that I remained a child well beyond my
childhood days, enjoying all the fun as long as I can.
And then we had to shift to our new home 3 years ago,
leaving behind all the fun and suddenly my life was changed completely. All of
a sudden I found myself in a world completely unfamiliar to me. I went out of
my shell and tried to confront the unknown world with terrible consequences. I
did things I wasn't prepared to handle and paid the price. As my tumultuous
journey continues, I realized that Durga puja is losing its charm more and more
every year. Instead of avoiding a vacation trip during puja, I made it
compulsory and in the process I tried to avoid the disappointment of not being
in my old place during puja, my childhood world.
2 years and two more Durga puja have passed by..and here I
am again on the brink of another puja and another vacation trip away from
Kolkata. What I found is that the child inside me, the sentimental/emotional
person that used to dominate me, has finally started to give up on me. I am not
feeling that extreme excitement I used to have during puja or before a
vacation. It feels like just a break from work. But deep inside me, I know the
child is in slumber. Being with nature will put it back into life, only for a brief
period maybe but that is all I want. I love the way I am now, free from
self-destructing emotions, but I want the emotions too to engulf me when I need
them most. Hope this little trip will be the way I want it to be and I can come
back a better person, a more relaxed soul.
So, off I go! Once more!
No comments:
Post a Comment